Could they see right through these holes in me? Is that why they came to give? Called to ask and bless? Made all my questions retreat like defeated foes.
All day long I fought with those questions. Tried hard counting blessings to remember what counts. Struggled hard to find God in my work. To find my work.
He came home ready to bless and confused the Accuser and the accused.
I protested, feeling unworthy. Who affirms the soul’s work?
I saw the pain in his eyes when I refused the gift. Refused to let him be the blessing.
Stop. Refuse this gift and refuse grace. Choose to block the waters, to stop the flow.
Open up. Unclench the fists, the heart.
There we are now…all open wide, yes, blessing and being blessed. No longer knowing who is giving and who is receiving. Acknowledging God, right here, His gifts in and through us.
Soul more full, water faucet flows, and so does grace. I hum a happy tune, cleaning dinner dishes, thankful again for my work, though still not all sure what it is. The phone rings and it’s the friend we celebrate with on the birth of first son, four days old now. I smile wide, because they let me share in this celebration, taking time to call with updates. Time doesn’t really exist for them right now. I laugh and listen to the adventures they’re having. They’re well, joyful, and thankful. But, they’ve called with a question.
I’m glad, anxious to hear. I’d been hoping I could serve some way. Hoping to be the blessing.
“Will you and Jason be the godparents?”
Time has stopped for me too, now.
The water is still flowing. My eyes are wide and I laugh a real, happy joy.
I don’t know what all my work is, but godbabies need praying women and God-seekers. This I will do.